Postcards from Life & Love in the City....

The shoes are so pretty i might just wear them to bed.

I adore The Trafford Centre......that's all really.

It's somewhat difficult to smile when one hauled ones ass out of bed at 4am to catch the red eye to Manchester but still manages to miss it. It's now almost 9.10pm and i'm still waiting to board next flight..... I'm as mad as a squirrel in a blender. Would almost kill for a coffee from starbucks, but detox states no caffine! Great.

At least Trafford Centre is on the cards later...... every cloud an a'dat!

An innocent drink in The Social ended by giving me a real life vision of myself. The steps of GOMA, a landmark not only for a city, but a landmark that holds so much of my journey. The steps i've taken individually and one or two together.......it's a place i'll never walk by without smiling and yet frowning. Subtlety was the key to our adventure, not just to others, but to ourselves, each knowing our reality was as real as the exhibits that look for life in that museum. A museum of memories, guilt is locked inside the magic of two people coming together......yet no tomorrow can ever be allowed to live. An existence based on half truths and an ecstacy based on whole truths. Hiding in the corners of that museum are secrets never to be told, we never took time to properly explore the exhibition. An exhibit..... we'll call you 'A' I searched that museum, quietly looking for something to identify with, but your artist wasn't ready for a public viewing. Did Damien Hirst mould you? Now i ponder.....No, he couldn't possibly have mistaken you for a Pickled Cow! Although i could have, again and again!
Now i'm standing quietly watching the exhibit being packed ever so neatly into a van. Piece by piece, it's being so carefully layered as so not to lose the peaceful order that it had demanded. I watch it leave and as i look at GOMA i realise it will always be empty to me now. I wish i'd had the courage to break in one night, in the darkness. I wish i'd had the courage to run free from floor to floor with my hands in the air and my conscience free. I wish i'd found you there. I wish i'd explored the deeper side of you, i wish i'd paid attention to the Pickled Cow that Damien Hirst forgot to exhibit. In a fantasy world, when reality is shelved, if only for an evening...... the price for entrance was steep. The doorman required as a deposit my mind. I gave it gladly. A world was opened to me. Your exhibition has shown me that some experiences are meant to be set as photographs to the mind for eternity.

I've decided to climb Ben Nevis..... I realised i needed to set myself a goal.

I've been in the gym every days for the past week and every part of my shocked body aches!! This poor physical structure has no idea what's hit it, it's much more accustomed to sitting in a wine bar enjoying a good red, or indeed soaking in a hot candle lit bath.

I will do it......

Life can sometimes be incredibly kind to us, leave us almost dancing within our own skin, then it turns those tables so quick and that music stops.

I suppose each time that music stops, you have to sing to yourself, remember and let the memories be the driving force for our will to succeed. We should stop looking at our yesterdays and longing for what we once had, but accept the present for what it is. I know the best days of my life are most probably lying ahead of me, so i shall press on with a smile knowing good times, peace and love are waiting for us all.

I suppose i've been unhappy with my weight for a couple of years now, I have always been curvy and plan to stay that way, but my weight just seems to have creeped up and up over the past 2 years. I've tried all the diets and they work for a month or so but then ...... i go backwards.

Over past couple months i realised it was my attitude to food that was unhealthy, i use food & wine to reward myself when i've had a good day, and equally to comfort myself when i've had a bad day. It's my head that needs to change. I've spent a while looking into ways to tackle this and after numerous visits to the doctor i finally got the all clear to join a detox programme. I must abstain from food and drink completely for 14 weeks. I must drink water only and will get all nutrition i need from sachet i add to my water once a day. I will also go through therapy to understand why i eat too much ( i think it's because i like the taste!)

So.... as from now, i will not eat or drink ANYTHING except water for the next 3 and half months..... goodness.....

I really want to lose 3 stone by the end of the year.....

I will miss milk, i will miss mashed potato on a sunday and i will miss wine every minute of every day........ pffft

Dreams... I believe in my dreams, talk about my dreams, think about my dreams, plan for my dreams, create opportunities for my dreams, and I see myself already in my dreams.

The only way to achieve a dream is to talk about it, believe it, see yourself in it and create opportunities for it.

There is a great will-power that follows whatever you imagine. This will-power gets you going despite all odds and the dreams that are supposed to take you ten to twenty years to achieve are achieved in a shorter period.

Paper plans are not enough for dreams! Just see yourself acting out what you have imagined and by the time you get into it, you may think you are still in the process of imagination.

What you believe is what you achieve. What you imagine is what you become. What you think is what you experience.

That's all we are......

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=7jQ4jO4AwFY

I swear. True, and I am quite sure, ever lasting something, if not love.

From the moment i spoke to him I decided I wanted him, truly and utterly wanted him. I met him, had a very brief talk with him and that was enough. He swept me off my feet. Completely. Literally.

That was a few months ago. I still ache to be near him, of course he doesn't know that.

Afterall, we're friends. Yes, bloody friends.

He is gorgeous beyond belief. Simply so beautiful. He is the man of my dreams. I didn’t know that I was looking for love until I found him. In truth, i didn't believe he existed, oh but he does. He is very intelligent too and very easy to talk to.

I've spent years, running around, suit, laptop, mobile phone in one hand, starbucks coffee in the other, narrowly missing oncoming traffic as i kamakaze myself across busy city streets, eager to get to where i'm going. I complained about being too busy to find him, too busy to meet him. Convinced myself he was an unattainable albeit wonderful figment of my imagination.

But his touch was very real.

I find myself looking intently at my laptop, almost willing and encouraging the 'you've got mail' sound. That lovely sound.

I am so interested, so interested in everything about him. I want to know it all.

I need a plan.